Imagine waking up in a hospital and being on suicide watch. Imagine putting all your time and effort into the planning, being happy for one last second as you know your misery is coming to an end and waking up to bright white walls and the beeping of some monitor. What if this was not a cry for help.  Do others have the right to take that away from you?

Imagine being that nurse who has to confront that person and tell them what has happened. Are you going to be the type who smiles too much or will you frown and tut at what has been tried?

As a young woman, with her own mental health problems, starting college and further more studying Psychiatric Nursing I have many questions on what right we give people over their own bodies.

Back in 2006/2007 I was in my third year of secondary school I was pretty depressed for what reason I am not fully sure. The main event of that time is when suicide popped into my head. I was sitting on my bedroom floor with my head lying back on the bed so I could view the ceiling. I lay there and suddenly thoughts of how easy it would be for me to end it all came to mind– I would use a knife and slit the veins in my ankles, lay in my room as my parents believed I was doing my homework and drift off to another world – Of course for me this would have been a cry for help and in reality I did not want to die. Those thoughts scared me so much; I started shaking and cried until I could cry no more. A cry for help may have done me the world of good but in a less drastic way – though in a way I did have one. One evening in school during French class, of which I ended up crying in, I wrote a note to my best Friend Lilly telling her how fed up I was with life etc etc... She replied back to me talked about suicide and how she didn’t want me to leave her, telling me my life was to turn out wonderful though she did speak about how her life was meant to be lonely – my mum found this note but never questioned me on it. About three months ago in the year 2010 I ripped that note and finally put it in the past. 

Now don’t get me wrong I do not believe try the action of suicide is the way to go when it seems there is no other door. For most of us there is a way forward though it can take a step like this to get noticed and receive the help we need. Who do we turn to, where do we go? I still don’t know for the most case – The 16 year old in me is still looking for a way she could have reached out effectively!!

I want to help raise awareness on mental health

I want the stigma to vanish

I want for people to learn how to talk to each other

I want to teach tell tale signs

I want people to not feel ashamed or embarrassed

I want to teach people how to approach the topic with a loved one

I want people to know who they can turn to.

I want a lot – and I bet I’ll never see most of it.

Question

If you believe in God and God chooses the end – Would he choose suicide for someone?