I can’t remember if I said in the past that I have been seeing the college counsellor but yes that I am doing! I had a bad Christmas and the weeks that followed were pretty bad too. Cyclical depression she called it (or suspects anyway) and has me keeping a mood diary – So to add in there yes I did finally open up a little, I told her, it was scary – The suicidal thoughts, the very low feelings the loneliness – And yet again since I am not in that place right now it is very hard to go back and explain it! One main thing though and it was one of the scarcest things to do, she made me see the college Doctor over it. This left me in an angry state he told me to keep my head down and just concentrate on my studies and not to be going out partying, drinking and alike! Yeah, Mr Dr Sir – I have SA I want to learn how to fit in not become a social outcast! I was also offered medication – I was like wow NO! Not going there!
College is going in two directions, wonderful and “oh so very stressful”. The wonderful part would be my placements and my interest in what I am studying ,getting out wonderfully with my class – though getting a little distant from Tom – The stress starts when I have to do presentations, I have one in two days. A ten minute presentation on skills needs by a psychiatric nurse for effective communication with service users. The content is fine, standing and speaking for 10mins is not! Another poster presentation next week followed by an Anatomy exam – oh the joy! I also have a vinate (yeah I am not sure of that word) next week too. Which is going into a room and talking to a guy with depression (an actor), the conversation is watched by lecturers and recorded- EK!!! I wonderfully failed my first college essay (trust me to do such a thing) so I am also redoing that while try to get my study in order for summer exams!
Things can be hard and although I am still isolating myself to a large extent I am moving on from what I was a year back from now! It was in January last year I discovered SA and from that I have discovered a lot more about myself. My next post – A year in review – should be interesting!
This is short but I am tired and will update again soon!
It's good that you went to the college counselor and opened up to her. You took initiative, and that's what SAers need to do, and you have the bravery for that. Then you had the bravery to see the college doctor, even though they upset you. Congrats on the courage. :) Wish I had more of that.
ReplyDeleteI have those two feelings about college. On the one hand, I really do love it; on the other hand, it is stressful and overwhelming with the work load. I have a singing class every wednesday, and I have to get up and sing infront every time. I love singing, but it so stressful and frustrating to get infront of people. Once I'm done, I realize I had a good time, but it's hard to have the courage to do it and to believe in myself.
I hope all your presenations are going well! I know it's hard to have to be infront of people. Be strong, you truly are cared about and prayed for. You don't have SA alone, so you aren't in this battle alone. Others are here for you. :)