I think I am passed lonely or else I am just so used to it I know no other way. There are times, few, which I wish I was with somebody so badly I cry – not a lot gets me crying. I hide too much; I hide my feelings from myself too. I spend 90% of my time at home in my room and 90% of that time I don’t seem to mind.  Is that right though?  I’m not even sure how I pass the time. Reading, writing letters (re writing them) watching t.v., computer – a lot of the time I just sit on the bed doing nothing – making lists, playing playstation, sorting something out, thinking, worrying, planning.

I hate to let others know how I am feeling when I am anxious, upset, scared and I am so very scared to ask for help when I feel this way too. I am afraid I will be laughed at by my mother.  That I will sound stupid. Sounding stupid, being wrong or boring are my fears. I am afraid I cannot get out with words how I feel or what is wrong with me...I can’t find the words; I don’t know how to explain this stuff.