Barriers for Success

When it comes to talking about personal stuff I go silent, I cannot talk- words do not come out. If someone asks me how I feel I can’t describe it, I sometimes cannot answer questions and the person on the other side gets sick of this and annoyed so they move on. Really I would like for someone to stick with me as I struggle to tell them, I feel stupid telling others how I feel as I know they are stupid thoughts that I should not have as it takes me a LONG time to get there I just need to be pushed!

When I do go I get asked if there is anything I want to talk about, I usually say no but really there is but I feel stupid bringing it up, this gets me nowhere! I lie so I don’t have to get too deep on subjects such as depression, suicide, self harm as I feel like an idiot!! 

Pre - placement!

So I am starting clinical placement on the 15^th. Yesterday Tom, Amber, Sarah and I went over to see the acute adult mental health ward for our placement and too see what times and dates we are down for. Firstly the locked door to the ward was not what I was expecting – it was a push button with a door that had a plastic see through part. For some unknown and horrible reason I have visions of a big heavy door that needed opening with a key. Oh what the television has done to us! We entered the ward and found some third years in the nurse’s office and they told us we would get to see some “cool stuff” here- I was tempted to ask what she meant but I didn’t.  So for the first week I am on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, I am not on the same days as the others which is a little scary and I hope Maire comes in (she is never in college) I felt okay in the environment, it took me back a little – seen some patients eating (I think it is okay to call them patients) but at the same time I am not too sure what I was expecting – long wards where they site in their  beds all day....I really don’t know .

All in all I felt pretty calm and non threatened in the environment (even if it was only for 5mins). My anxiety over starting in a week is low and that is a little scary!